I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
