he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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