Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
