Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you get engaged???
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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