this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
