Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
