is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
