New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
