Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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