I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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