I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
