Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
