have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize