i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
