Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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