So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize