just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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