I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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