Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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