you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
