I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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