weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
