She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
