I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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