I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
