On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
