you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
