My nipple is on Facebook.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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