we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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