If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
