I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
