and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize