I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
