Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize