Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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