why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
