Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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