I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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