God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
