you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize