I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize