you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
