i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
