Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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