U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
