Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
