Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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