If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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