He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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