I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
