Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
