i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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