She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My life is pants optional.
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