my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
