If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
