Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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