Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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