she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
