windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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