We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
