I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
