you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Four minutes until I can fart!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
