i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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