I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
