I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
