I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
