i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone came in the potted fern
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
