My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
