those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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