Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
