I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
