so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I would ride that face into the sunset
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
