Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
