I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
