My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize