I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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