After last night, I could never be a politician.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
