Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
