He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
